“Remus Dobby Potter, you were named after the two people who actually gave a shit about my well being. One of them was a house elf and I’d much rather see you become that than a fucking Slytherin. Don’t come back unless you’re wearing red and gold you little shit.”
Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: “Jim’s whore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe.”
Why does this not have any notes?
lol no “Nashville sperm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. how may I help you?”
“Henderson’s Morgue, you stab em, we slab em, this is Eight Ball speaking.”
“Texas crematorium you kill ‘em we grill ‘em how can I direct your call?”
my dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow
i mean i would eat healthy food but do you remember that one time that adam and eve ate an apple in the garden of eden and doomed all of humanity so idk better not risk it